ALONE
So you want to know what it is like to live alone. You would never ask, of course. That, you tell yourself is a very private matter. Indeed it is. What does it feel like to be alone after many years of a special intimate relationship? You have been walking the path of life for so long and suddenly you are shocked when you realize that an era has passed. No more sharing of ideas, no more quiet companionship when words are not needed for communication. Friends and relatives gather around to ease the hurt and fill the breech. They are well meaning and are appreciated but nothing, nothing can fill the void. Finally they go their separate ways and; you are alone! What then? Memories? perhaps; but it is to soon, that will come later. Fear? possibly. Who wants to face the unknown alone? Emptiness, drained of all emotion! Yes. It is not a time to face the future. Is there an aura of peace in such a situation? Yes! definitely yes. At first I wrestled with this. She was gone. She suffered; at least modern wisdom teaches this. And; I cannot mourn her passing the way the world expects me to. Why? a nagging sense of guilt creeps in. Have I somehow failed to be true to our relationship and the life of patience that she lived? I must not dwell on that one. Why? because I believe that is the first step on the road to self pity, then anger; first at ones self then it overflows to all around and then sometimes spills over to include the lost mate as well. Time heals all wounds. Is that so? I do not think so. It does seem to somehow calm the troubled waters. It no longer engulfs you in mighty waves; but the ripples are never still. A spoken word, a certain melody and after two years, the tears still flow. Are they a luxury that a Christian must put aside? I don't want to deal with that one. Still my Christian faith as I understand it, bids me let her go. To do anything less would be to deny the resurrection and her rightful place at the throne of God. If you perceive this as the rambling thoughts of an old man, you are probably right. I have passed die three-score and ten. Now comes the shocking part. Shocking at least to the uninitiated. As long as we remain here we are mortal human beings subject to all the temptations and frustrations of our time. Man is not an island unto himself. You may think that what follows is rather crude; but it illustrates a point I wish to drive home. This is a true account of what happened in a courtroom in Colorado many years ago. It was told to me by a friend. A woman was applying for financial help to feed her children. In those days recipients of welfare were scrutinized very close. In the course of the hearing the judge remarked 'You say that your husband has been dead for several years, yet I notice that some of your children are very young. How do you account for this?". She replied "Mister I ain't dead yet." The implications here are obvious. Please read on and withhold judgment. There is much more here than intimate physical attraction. There is also the need for physical as well as spiritual companionship. All these things can lead to a sense of guilt and perhaps self destruction. We dare not deny our need of them. We may choose to suppress them but I assure you that I believe the scripture in the book of Genesis expresses a great truth when it reads "It is not good that man should live alone." Catherine Marshall, who in my humble opinion is a great author and a pillar of faith, deals with this in the book "To Live Again".
She admits that she would feel resentment when she witnessed an intimate gesture between a married couple or sometimes in the company of a man she would feel the need of physical fulfillment. These feelings both bothered and annoyed her until she realized that she must release her deceased husband and let him assume his rightful place at the throne of God. Look at the scripture Our Lord and Savior once said "At the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage." This gives added meaning to the marriage vow "until death do us part." This is not a plea for understanding. Neither is it an attempt at self justification for any thought or act that may happen in the future. It may well be that sometime in the future someone in need may read this and perhaps it will smooth some troubled waters. So let it be. (To be continued in a separate article)
Having read the former article (Alone) you may be somewhat puzzled and perhaps even a bit disgusted. You certainly may be justified. Please read on. This is not the end of the matter. Perhaps you are young, maybe even middle aged and you have born the joys and sorrows of your children. If yours is a Christian family you have spent time together. You try as much as possible to share a common meal. Perhaps you have leisure time together. You have tried to function as a family. Perhaps one day you felt that you had been triumphant in a special way. Sharing that with family was a pleasure, you relished the sharing. Conversely the day yielded some disappointments. What better place is there to mend the breech than sharing the hurt around the evening meal with those who understand. And don't discount the routine sharing of the days events. There is a special blessing in a serene family relationship. I believe God intended it to be that way. It is true that we often look back and wish that we could erase the hurt that we inflicted, but we cannot change the past. We do however have the God given opportunity to make amends. But how? The answer can be found. I believe it is simply a matter of trust in my God and it is often overlooked. To trust and to accept, brings forgiveness and freedom. I believe that I must get on with the life here that is still mine to live. Perhaps Abraham Lincoln said it best "All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower where I thought a flower would grow."